Perception or Character

Where people see the devil, I see a cute little bunny.

When people see a cute bunny, I see the potential energy of primitive instinct that can be unleashed with very violent consequences. The results would then be dubbed 'evil incarnate' through society's point of view.

For the first, are people willfully seeing their own created symbol that represents their fears and sins. Something intangible made tangible with a singular, easily comprehensible image. Am I seeing something harmless a very blatant indication of my own delusion, to make light of horror? Or is it just my very nature that I don't view things the way everyone else views, or is raised to view them. Illusion or delusion, it's a toss up.

And the latter? A true tangible animal deemed 'cute' by popular consensus and agreed upon belief. But rabbits, like all animals, are real without images and have no need of labels. Their very nature defies what humans want them to be. A hormonal teenage ape will rip the face of anyone, even a friend, when it wants to. A rabbit, through resentment from being caged up, denied allowing it to live its true nature, (being locked up at night and forced to come out at play during the day), will become bad tempered, and worse, lash out. They have teeth and claws for a reason, and not just defense. Our primitive natures are savage. We cannot force civilization, or idea of civilization on animals because that is uncivilized. Isn't that what being inhuman is? To force something else to obey and live under another's control against his or her will? We can do it with a smile or a pat on its head but it does not change the fact that we want to force it to be what we want it to be. Live how we think it should live.

We do it to each other, to ourselves. But as humans, to live in a civilized society we must force control. We must force ourselves to control our baser natures. But when using 'civilization' as an excuse to exercise our baser natures in the guise of 'educating' or 'making their lives better', we are in essence believing we can be kings and gods. We have a tenuous control over the animal kingdom and each other. With wars and technology we have proven superiority in might, but take all that away, put a man in a ring with a lion and the lion will surely win. Our primitive natural weapons, nails and teeth, are no match for the finely evolved claws and teeth of true predators.

WIth a little gun that shoots tiny balls there are those who exercise this delusion of superiority over the mightiest of creatures. They cut off the heads and mount them on walls as 'trophies'. Reminders of one's delusion. Props that are always there to support the illusion and people are content to live in it.

And in writing this I am aware of my own hypocrisy. Others do the killing, but I, myself, partake in the aftermath. It may not hang on my wall, but the flesh rests in my stomach. But I am not one for an 'honor killing'. I don't want those kinds of trophies. Recognition of talents by my peers and those whose talents have propelled them to positions of fame and influence, I admit to that guilty desire. Articles hearlding my written and creative works. People who admire and have been inspired by my work, I admit, adulation is what I desire as my trophies. Well, in true honesty, recognition. But adulation comes with recognition, but I don't want devout followers or swooning fans. It's a strange thing. I don't want to be a hero that is made only to be torn down. The heroes in histories stand up and are heroes because they choose to be, not because others made them to be. Those are true heroes to me. Many have no names. Their actions will never live on in story and song. Do all we do amount to nothing but to gratify our own sense of self-worth? Ghandi said it. A Linkin Park song is titled it. Nothing really matters.

The sun rises every day. It is not unique, but it is neccessary. That's what makes it special. A different kind of special from unique. Something unique is coveted if it is the only one of its kind left. Another kind of special, things that happen every day, but propogates life. Progpagates advancement. Maybe a skill that started off as unique and is now necessary. We see it in medicine, technology, in the little things we do as human beings. But those things are largely ignored. But those things are also the most fondly remembered. It could be a parent getting up every day to make their child lunch before rushing the child to school and getting to work. It could be the child who remembers the little things the parents did and its those little lessons that makes the child a better parent.

In life, do we really matter? In the grand scheme of things, the world, the universe, do we matter?

In general, no. But I want to live a good heroes life. And maybe with a bit of delusion thrown in for my self-worth. What I do matters to me. How I affect others matters to me. What I try to remember when I write, but I don't always do, "show, don't tell". Even having bad people in my life, they examples of what I don't want to be. I would like to believe that my life is about the journey. It is about setting goals. If it doesn't matter to the world or the universe, it matters to me. I give my life purpose. I would like to feel like, because I do, what others say or think of me does not matter. It's becoming a hero, (if that's the term), because I choose to be.

I've hated labels and stigmas for a long time. I told myself to never dismiss anything else I am giving myself permission to be ignorant. People relate what they learn to what they already know, it makes things easier to comprehend. But humans also limit what they know so they can dismiss what they don't know. If something doesn't mesh with what they currently believe, they give themselves the right to look down on it, ignore it, and be satisfied with themselves and their actions.

But the more you learn then there is an increasing amount of potential to what you can learn. And there is a greater awareness of how much you don't know. There is a comfort in staying ignorant. A nice, safe, 'I don't know'. Is it ture if you fear corruption you fear life? But that's like saying life is about corruption. Looking at the world throughout history, is life corrupt because we have made it corrupt? Is life corrupt because we see it as corrupt? As the only way it can be? The idealist says no. But ideals and the willingness to fight for them are often two separate, and debateable things. If you're not apart of the solution, you're apart of the problem. What if the problem and solution are so interconnected, there is no way to start in figuring either out. Who has the arrogance to have the right to definte the ultimate solution? Who has the audacity to blame one for the problem? Blame is easy. To stop wasting time and do something about an issue is the most logical yet least practiced first step to a solution. And we are all guilty of it.

So where do things go from here? In the primitive way I wonder if I would be a farmer or a hunter? I would say, it would be reasonable to be both. People are never entirely good or evil. A man who destroys another life may be doing so to provide for another life, not just his own. But I would not readily sacrifice my life because someone else deems it is not as 'important' as another's, in his perspective. This is an example of what others see as negative but I see as positive. Well, as a necessity. Selfishness. While it is preached we should be selfless, it is seldom practiced. We are selfish because it is our inner nature to survive. But there is a limit to selfishness. Is Confuscious right? Nothing in excess? (The few things I agree with Confuscious on).

Sheryl Crowe sang, 'It's not getting what you want, it's wanting what you've got.'

I do want more, but not necessarily in material things. It would be great to never worry about money to buy a better computer and update my anti-virus programs. To never worry about affording food and shelter. I am also acutely aware that I am so lucky to have those things. But I don't want my own yacht or personal plane. To be honest, those things are a pain and the maintenance, taxes, and theft are just things I would be annoyed to be worried about. I want to be able to always keep writing and keep creating. To be always able to afford notebooks, pens, paper, pencils, electricity, a good home, the necessities in life and the things I need to accomplish possible. Wealth is safety and protection. There will always be those who deem that their lives are more important and will destroy others so their lives will be a little richer. I want to be able to protect myself from that. Through knowledge, tact and experience. I don't look for the fights, but as long as I know how to fight I will not live with that kind of fear.

But back to 'enough'. Sufficient, content -- I don't think it is good to be content in what I try to accomplish. Striving to always be better, to invent, create, design, to know, those things are a part of humanity. A great part, I believe. If that's what it means to eat the apple, (or pomegrenate as I think the story was derived from the Hades and Persephone story), I would take the apple. And I believe greatly that the apple wasn't the end all. Hope is about wisdom. Our knowledge needs to be tempered by experience. Our greatest works can be turned to travesties by our own hands. Jurassic Park, 'We're so eager to see if we could we never stop think if we should.'

Even those things the world thinks is evil are necessities. Wars and sickness bring out the best and worst in humanity. They are caused by our mistakes, and they also force us to face those mistakes. Our actions through those times, right or wrong, depending on how history is seen, is how humans bungle through life. Better or worse for it, we still keep moving forward. No matter how bad we bungle through it, we still advance because of it.

And in those advancements, what now? I have enough in terms of being able to live day to day. I am lucky because I had parents who cared and provided so I could be well off enough to advance. Others don't have that privilege. It is a hard thing to hate someone for what he or she has. But when someone has the basic necessities and you don't, sometimes you wonder, why them and not me? Why do they get to live in luxury while I suffer?

Many people have to earn their basic necessities day after day. I'm not just talking about a regular job which people often hate and grumble and grip about. When the land is too dry, seeds don't exist, and there are no tools to help, what can you do? Or if you have no home and no money and barely clothes on your back, what else can you do but live a life society deems as wrong? I can only imagine. I would never want to live in that life. So how can society, the world, function in a state where it deems actions are wrong and yet does nothing to attack the root of the problem?

Someone once lectured me about China. It is viewed as evil in many respects. But, he told me, when a person is worried if the children will have food the next day, nothing else in life matters. It's like what I was saying before. In desperate times, selfishness is what causes one person to deem some lives more important than others. But let's face it, even in not desperate times this is true. Then there is a selfishness that comes from envy. Who wouldn't want to be in a higher position so they wouldn't have to suffer?

And there is the other perspective. Why should someone give up a luxuries that were earned to others who have none, or worse, feel they are entitled because they have none?

Entitlement is a product of judgement. Having more than others and deciding if and how to help others with that 'more' is also personal choice.

This is where compassion and knowledge come in. I believe very much in helping Japan. No, they are not a third world country, but the country has been devastated by one of the worst natural disasters seen in a long time. I can't make that choice for other people, but I want to help. The biggest reason is, I know that money will not be squandered. They have the spirit, the culture, the drive, the focus, and the knowhow to rebuild. I think and hope they will remember the kindness from the world and they will repay it in the future. They don't like debts. An old man stranded in the radioactive zone even offered to pay the Associated press reporters for food even though they would have gladly given it to him for free.

They don't like charity, (they're a non-tipping culture), but in this most desperate of times they have accepted charity. That means times are far worse than anyone on the outside would ever imagine possible. The workers in the nuclear power plants, the special defense forces pushing harder than ever to find survivors and help those in need, there is no theft or looting, people have accepted the crisis has happened and are doing their best, for themselves and each other. How can I not look at all of their efforts with admiration? They show by example without preaching. I know I may be seeing it with rose-colored glasses, there are problems and issues that only those on the inside know, but I can't help the overall picture.
The help they receive will not be squandered. People have opened up their homes to strangers who have none. The first time I heard Hachiko's story I cried. And the video of the dog who would not leave his companion was epic. Why are such acts of compassion not accepted universally, but are seen as astonishing?
Maybe they need to be. Maybe there is a complacency when people are expected to act courteously when they really don't want to. When you are truly good, without expectation of award or praise, you are a true hero. So a part of me does desire that. To be a hero because you want to be, not because others expect you to be or make you up to be. Is it delusional of me to have that ideal? History will not remember your name or sing your praises. But you inspire others to do better, to be better. So the delusional idealist in me wins out. Especially when there are shows of that being possible. That we as human beings can be capable of that.
There is no religion or law that can preach to people what is right and truly believe that is the way. That is not true compassion if one fears a punishment in the afterlife. That's like a child only sharing his toys or else his mom will spank him. Doing good only because you are forced to, that's not a good deed. That may be being a good citizen, but it is no representation of the true character within.