I've studied abroad in Sendai and Tokyo and have gone through a lot. After coming back to the US I've helped my mom rent out the second floor to international students. I also have a Japanese language partner.
I try to be as helpful as I can and I get a lot of questions about living in the NYC. So instead of a blog where all I do is rant (there are plenty of those) I'll use this blog to try to answer questions.
One of the topics I'll address now is landlords / landladies. Sorry, this isn't in any particular order.
1) They should always give you a key. If they withhold a key from you that is just wrong.
Why?
If they require that only they can open the door then what will they do, stay in 24 hours a day every day? It's not fair if you have to stand out in the cold just to 'wait' for them to come home.
2) Privacy. No landlord should forbid you from locking your door. You are renting the room. Your room is not for them to store things and for them to enter and leave as they please.
Why?
If anything goes missing from your room, e.g. passport, money, are they willing to take responsibility?
Note: A landlord can enter your room if it is an emergency or if they receive your permission
3) Toilet paper and other shared items. That's what they are -- shared. If they require you to pay for things they use it is not fair. The cost should be split.
4) If there is a contract that you must sign that says you will not call on a lawyer DON'T sign. What are they afraid of that you must agree not to use a lawyer later on, if needed? One friend lost 2 months rent because the landlord refused to give back the money and she could not sue because she signed a contract.
5) ALWAYS READ THE CONTRACT THOROUGHLY! Goes without saying.
6) If you disagree with part of a contract for legitimate reasons but the landlord refuses to compromise, don't sign the contract and find a better place.
7) This is a very, VERY important note. Do not try to get a room just because the landlord is Caucasian and you think you can practice English with them. Nothing is for free. If you get a nice landlord, great. Else there are many conniving, evil people out there who think that you don't know the laws that protect you and will take advantage of you.
I'll go over more things later like shopping and areas to live. I am also open to questions.
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
Not putting off love, just questioning its existence
being a man is hard. there is a lot expected of a man in modern culture. he should be well educated, well dressed, have a successful career -- but what of his personality and character? what of chivalry?
I have been reading the 'Wheel of Time' series by Robert Jordan. Even though the times the characters live in are in constant upheaval, what is expected of a man isn't. the men are chivalrous. true, they acknowledge women as difficult (and vice versa) but men are taught to risk their lives for women. they are taught to be good husbands, not to sleep around, to listen and communicate with their mates and to be great fathers.
in this day and age men are characterized by their drive in the workplace but the family aspect seems to have been forgotten.
in Asia most of, if not all, the responsibilities that go with raising a child fall on the woman. to me, that's not fair. the father figure is extremely important in proper functioning family dynamics. however, in this day and age, the 'father figure' does not necessarily mean 'biological father'.
I can see why women are putting off marriage or not getting married at all. I quit my job not so long ago for various reasons, mainly, the environment was something that just could not be improved. My friend put it simply and accurately, a job is like marriage, hard to get in to, hard to get out of -- choose carefully!
My friend Yumi who is half Japanese and half black told me, ignore society. get married in your own time. She rushed into a marriage at 29 to beat that '30 mark', she had a child at 30, and then divorced not long after. her advice was simple, don't be in a hurry and go at your own pace. and most importantly, choose carefully, because you never HAVE to choose, society just makes you feel like you do.
I have grown up hearing about abusive and cheating husbands, where the woman is left to care for the children, no matter how many of them. Some taking on two jobs just to make ends meet. A life for a woman is hard, why should society make it harder for her?
My godbrother knew a woman who got pregnant to 'keep a man' because her mother taught her 'a woman is not a woman unless she has a man'. Women are not defined by men, especially not in this day and age.
In Robert Jordan's books women are strong, intelligent, willful and think for themselves. Women are not looked down on for being strong and intelligent but in our modern times we still are. Women strive to get higher educations and are told by people that 'men don't like that'. Women are afraid to earn more money from their spouses because they are afraid they will be loved less. women, no matter how strong, are taught by society to make themselves less.
why should we care?
that's what I keep asking. women have to get higher degrees and earn more because the only people that can take care of us are ourselves.
I do want to fall in love but I hope to fall in love with a man much stronger than I am and who is secure with himself, so I can be as strong as I can be without the subconscious fear that's been instilled in me
I have been reading the 'Wheel of Time' series by Robert Jordan. Even though the times the characters live in are in constant upheaval, what is expected of a man isn't. the men are chivalrous. true, they acknowledge women as difficult (and vice versa) but men are taught to risk their lives for women. they are taught to be good husbands, not to sleep around, to listen and communicate with their mates and to be great fathers.
in this day and age men are characterized by their drive in the workplace but the family aspect seems to have been forgotten.
in Asia most of, if not all, the responsibilities that go with raising a child fall on the woman. to me, that's not fair. the father figure is extremely important in proper functioning family dynamics. however, in this day and age, the 'father figure' does not necessarily mean 'biological father'.
I can see why women are putting off marriage or not getting married at all. I quit my job not so long ago for various reasons, mainly, the environment was something that just could not be improved. My friend put it simply and accurately, a job is like marriage, hard to get in to, hard to get out of -- choose carefully!
My friend Yumi who is half Japanese and half black told me, ignore society. get married in your own time. She rushed into a marriage at 29 to beat that '30 mark', she had a child at 30, and then divorced not long after. her advice was simple, don't be in a hurry and go at your own pace. and most importantly, choose carefully, because you never HAVE to choose, society just makes you feel like you do.
I have grown up hearing about abusive and cheating husbands, where the woman is left to care for the children, no matter how many of them. Some taking on two jobs just to make ends meet. A life for a woman is hard, why should society make it harder for her?
My godbrother knew a woman who got pregnant to 'keep a man' because her mother taught her 'a woman is not a woman unless she has a man'. Women are not defined by men, especially not in this day and age.
In Robert Jordan's books women are strong, intelligent, willful and think for themselves. Women are not looked down on for being strong and intelligent but in our modern times we still are. Women strive to get higher educations and are told by people that 'men don't like that'. Women are afraid to earn more money from their spouses because they are afraid they will be loved less. women, no matter how strong, are taught by society to make themselves less.
why should we care?
that's what I keep asking. women have to get higher degrees and earn more because the only people that can take care of us are ourselves.
I do want to fall in love but I hope to fall in love with a man much stronger than I am and who is secure with himself, so I can be as strong as I can be without the subconscious fear that's been instilled in me
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